This time last week I was laid up in bed feeling very sorry for myself. Full of a bug and reeling from two highly emotional weeks, as the fallout of my recent change in circumstances stared me right in the face, weighing heavily on my mind and body. It was a low point. Possibly the lowest in these past few months as I have been extricating myself from limbo.

There was a lot of social media that day. Facebook. Snap. What’s App. Slack. Multiple phone calls. A lot of tears.

When you crash you crash. And in those moments you don’t think straight. You reach out for anyone and anything that will make you feel better. And as quickly as possible. You just want the pain to go away. Now. Others must have the answer. You search for a fast forward button. Get through the crappy bit as quickly as possible. Pass go, collect your £1000 and get on your way. Off to live your new life and feel fabulous. I was looking for a quick fix, of any kind.

Among all the messages two very different friends came back to me with the same advice.

“Smile and remember that’s how it’s meant to be”.

“Just focus on where you are right now. This is where you are supposed to be, based on what you did yesterday”.

Two very ambitious and driven people. Spiritual and emotionally connected in their own ways. My gut instinct was to challenge, to deny these well-meaning words, yet in my head I knew them to be true. What they were describing was acceptance. In mindfulness this is acceptance of how things are at a given moment. You become aware of resistance to what is. Instead allowing it to be. This is the way through. For to resist is to invite more pain.

Acceptance is the answer. I know this cognitively. But it doesn’t come naturally. And I feel a disconnect between this and my instinct to strive.

It got me thinking is there a conflict between acceptance and striving? Is there a place for both? How does that work?

Much of the world of meditation and mindfulness talks of the negativity of striving, of wanting. I’ve read a thousand times that wanting is the root of misery. Learning to want what you have is the key to happiness. Yet often it’s in striving for more, wanting more and pushing back on dissatisfaction with the status quo that motivates those who make a difference in the world. How then can those same friends that I admire for their go-getter attitudes be those who just accept where they are? Is that not passive? Are they not driven by wanting things to be different? Is there not a healthy tension between where you are and where you want to be that can propel you forwards? Certainly I’ve always found this to be the case.

But perhaps it’s actually something more than this. I spent yesterday morning at a mindfulness workshop. During one meditation our guide invited us to ask what we needed in this moment. To throw the question into our mind like a pebble, watch the ripples and see what bubbles up. In doing this you trust that the first thought or word to emerge is the right one. It is what is needed. Meant to be. And I think this is the point my generous and kind-hearted friends were making.

It’s about trusting. Yes, acceptance, but actually trust.

Trusting that things are right. Trusting that you are on the right path. Trusting that things will take the right course. Allowing the organic. Not forcing. And this is what my friends could see. In my desire to get moving having finally become ‘unstuck’ I wasn’t appreciating the lessons on offer. I was forcing things before they were ready. Not allowing them to take their natural course. To unfold.

Because of course you can’t just go from stuck to unstuck. There is a transition in between. It’s in these fertile edges, the overlaps, where the true growth comes. In seeking distraction. In resisting the pain. In wanting the future I am planning to be here now. I was inviting more pain. Possibly even pushing that future further away. Not dwelling in the space between broken and fixed. If fixed even exists. Maybe less broken. But growing still.

And so I write this in good faith. Trusting that these past couple of weeks are leading me somewhere I am supposed to be. And that place is now. Focusing on smiling. Accepting what has been and gone. What is. And what will be, will be. Still looking ahead, but as a guide. Focusing on today. Making the most of today. Checking in on the weather of my mind.

Storms like last weekend will come again. And when they do I will smile and know that they are here to teach me. Because in the end any person or situation that joins you on your travels through this life is a lesson or a blessing. And where you are right now, it’s where you are meant to be.